Still More Stream-of-Consciousness

constantly bombarded from all sides by answers but answers to questions unasked I once said that I preferred the questions to the answers and I was fucked because of it and I suppose I still prefer the questions but no longer believe that that will hold me back or stop me but answers to questions unasked are only helpful in a possible future not a certain present nothing I am learning has prevented me lying naked on a bare stone floor cold alone helpless hopeless although I do believe I have learned a lesson in utilitarianism

I close my eyes and see blue but I know in my brain that there is no color at all only miles and miles of transparency but I still see blue and in my heart I know it really is blue sometimes what we know and what we know are two different things I close my eyes again and no longer see blue and I am tempted to say that I guess I never really knew what I saw all along but I won't say that I can't say that because even now when I can't see it I still somehow know it was real even if it no longer exists

I'm blue daba dee daba dai daba deeeee daba dai daba dee daba dai ok my brain got a little sidetracked there off in Eiffel 65-land but I'm back on the main line and ready to go except there is no train coming the tracks are empty wait not quite empty I see an animal scurry over the tracks I see an animal coming straight for me it's a small dog happy to see another living being in the desolate wasteland of darkness and train tracks and even if we are strangers we can be strangers together and that seems better at least to the dog than being alone and as I turn perpendicular to the tracks and walk into the unknown I have to admit I like that I have some company too

I sit bow legged on the living room floor my eyes are closed and my mind is blank I open my eyes and say aloud all things are possible then stare through the walls of my apartment through the city through everything and all I can see is the sun rising above the never ending horizon I close my eyes again and I am myself for a moment but as my body remains stationary my mind falls and falls down through the floor through the apartment below me and into a well of blackness falling forever into a bottomless pit random objects are falling around me a wooden chair a toy doll a confused looking dog even other people too the people are the worst they are panicked and screaming oh my god we are all going die some of them start gathering the falling objects around them breaking apart objects and fashioning crude structures from the remains one man who has been falling for a long time has built himself a fairly large platform on which he can even walk around a bowling ball comes zooming down from above falling way faster than everything else and punches a hole through the man's floor he looks through the hole and sees the abyss he has almost forgotten that everything is falling he tried his best to forget the bowling ball has given him too large of a reminder and he loses his mind he just goes crazy yelling and moaning and sobbing about how cruel life is I am watching all of this while falling from a safe distance and laugh hysterically about how disillusioning a bowling ball can be