Ok, lets get a few things straightened out, because apparently people no longer know what a pizza even is anymore. A pizza starts with dough. A special kind of dough called, coincidentally enough, pizza dough. Pizza is NOT made using bagels, pita bread, garlic toast, or whatever. This seems like a simple enough concept, and yet people keep screwing it up. So let me re-state it. If you start with a bagel, it is impossible to make pizza. You need pizza dough. Clear?
The next item needed for pizza is sauce. A special kind of sauce called, you guessed it, pizza sauce! The lunatics on the cooking channels will tell you that alfredo sauce, barbecue sauce, and ranch dressing are pizza sauces. Do not believe the crazy TV cooking ladies. Alfredo sauce is not pizza sauce. Barbecue sauce is not pizza sauce. Ranch salad dressing is not fucking pizza sauce. Pizza sauce is pizza sauce. That's it.
The last item you need is cheese. Yes, cheese. If you do not have cheese, you do not have pizza. I can hear you now, "But Kevin, I'm lactose intolerant. How can I eat pizza?" Answer: YOU CAN'T. Pizza is made with cheese, usually mozzarella or a combination of mozzarella, romano, and parmesean. Not feta or cheddar or Kraft singles. White Italian cheeses only.
You can add toppings on your pizza if you like, I recommend pepperoni, but this is not a requirement.
So to re-cap:
http://www.cooks.com/rec/view/0,1826,151161-233203,00.html NOT PIZZA.
http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/sandra-lee/bbq-chicken-pizza-recipe/index.html NOT PIZZA.
http://www.cookstr.com/recipes/cheeseless-pizza NOT PIZZA.
http://www.ehow.com/how_2215667_make-homemade-pepperoni-pizza.html PIZZA.
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2 comments:
Haha, well said, sir.
Was there a tipping point that made you go off on this rant, or was it just a culmination of a plethora of pizza imposters being shoved in your face?
I have argued about non-pizzas before, but I guess the last straw was yesterday night as I was watching the MSU basketball game with some friends. Someone suggested that we order pizza, and ss we were deciding on toppings, someone else suggested barbecue chicken. I had to explain to him that barbecue chicken is not actually pizza. My explanation was pretty much the same as this post.
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